Bits of KOTH

Here are some King of the Hill quotes that I find very funny :)
(from http://www.geocities.com/arlen_texas/kothquotes.htm)

HANK: So, are you Chinese or Japanese?
KAHN: I live in California last twenty years, but first come from Laos.
HANK: Huh?
KAHN: Laos. We Laotian.
BILL: The ocean? What ocean?
KAHN: We are Laotian. From Laos, stupid! It's a landlocked country in Southeast Asia. It's between Vietnam and Thailand, okay? Population 4.7 million.
HANK: So, are you Chinese or Japanese?

BILL: Even if they did serve us dog, I mean, who are we to judge other cultures?
HANK: Don't talk like that! The dog is man's best friend. You wouldn't eat your best friend, would you?
BILL: Of course not. Wait a minute, are we talking about some kind of lifeboat situation here? Because I don't want to commit myself.

LUANNE: Look, Aunt Peggy, I got my practice head! It's got real hair and everything!
PEGGY: Well, Luanne, it's a very nice hea --
LUANNE (pulls it away): DON'T TOUCH IT! Aunt Peggy, I can't let anything happen to this head before my final. This is my chance to prove it doesn't matter that I wasn't paying attention. I may not be book-smart, but I'm pretty-smart!

HANK: Just so you know, most states won't let you marry a plastic head.
BOBBY: I don't want to marry it! I just needed to practice my first kiss so I don't look like an idiot.
HANK: You're kissing a plastic head, and you're afraid of looking like an idiot?

HANK: We don't fish for the fish. Ninety percent of what I like about this sport -- and it is a sport -- is sitting in the boat doing nothing. And the icing on the cake is when God smiles on you and you hook one. And then when you're reeling it in, everything else falls away. You don't think about taxes or traffic or that pushy gal that's trying to get into the Citadel or who's going to take care of you when your mother and I are old and incapacitated. All there is is a man, a rod, a lake and a fish. And it all starts with a hand-dug American worm.
BOBBY: Uh, Dad...? Who is going to take care of me?

BOBBY: My dad says if God didn't want us to eat meat, he wouldn't have invented steak sauce. KID: Your dad says that?
BOBBY: Once.
MARIE: Bobby, did you know that the average person consumes five hundred chickens? That's enough chickens to feed an entire starving village. But they shouldn't eat them, because that's bad.

HANK: Who is calling me a liar, you or the machine? 'Cause I need to know whose ass to kick. CLERK: I'm not calling you a liar, sir.
HANK: Fine. Where's the ass on this thing?

BILL: I'm glad I'm not the only one who is disgusted by pornography. It's offensive! It's demeaning! It creates a standard of idealized beauty that your average man can't compete with. HANK: Don't worry, Bill, I'm not going to let my credit and good name be done in by a damn computer error.
DALE: Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose. By now your name and particulars have been fed into every laptop, desktop, mainframe and supermarket scanner that collectively make up the global information conspiracy, otherwise known as The Beast.
HANK: Dale, I'm having a problem with one videotape, not some high-tech boogyman.
DALE: You just be careful. Computers have already beaten the Communists at chess. Next thing you know, they'll be beating humans.

CONNIE: Parents are such a drag.
BOBBY: Yeah, they're always treating us like kids. We're not kids, we're pre-teens. Dammit.

HANK: Sounds to me like one of those pyramid schemes.
PEGGY: No, not at all. As the brochure describes it, it is not a pyramid, it is a triangle. And it is not a scheme, Hank, it is an opportunity. Good question, though.

DALE: Wait a minute. Every time I leave, you call John Redcorn. I know what's going on here. Your headaches are a desperate bid for my attention. But what do I do? I pawn you off on some Indian healer so I can have my Dale time at the gun club, or breeding show turtles, or on the Internet investigating unexplained phenomenona. God, I am so selfish!
NANCY: Stop blaming yourself, sug. In some ways, this is my fault too.
DALE: I don't deserve you.
NANCY: Of course you do. You are a sensitive, trusting, sweet, trusting man, and I don't deserve you.
DALE: Are you sure you're not an alien? 'Cause you just abducted my heart.